Thoughts in the firelight
by Lar-lar
Summary: Sequel to "Tears before bedtime." Same story as before, but this time from Sango's POV. Sango can't help but feel lonely as she stares into the flames of the camp fire thinking about her lost family. But she's starting to realize she's not truly alone.


Thoughts in the fire-light. By Lar-lar.  
  
I'm back with the sequel to "Tears before bedtime"! Thanks for the reviews, I was so surprised people actually liked it! I hope you enjoy this one too! Same story as before, just from Sango's point of view this time. And once again, any comments or critisiums will be greatly received! Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer; I STILL don't own them, real shame that. *Sobs*  
  
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Watching the flames dance high against the night sky had a nasty habit of making me think too much. Everyone has gone, it's just me and Kirara. I roll my eyes. And that damn sukebe houshi. My hand still stings from that last slap, will he never change? I smile slightly, do I really want him to? I reach down to pet my cat demon companion who has made herself at home on my lap. I sigh to myself. She's all I have left of my old life. Is that really such a bad thing? I have a new life now, new friends, a new family. A tear falls from my eye and lands on the demon in my lap, she shakes her head and looks up at me, her eyes seem to ask if I am okay. I smile at her. She excepts this answer and settles down again. I go back to staring at the fire. I wonder what he's thinking? I know he's watching me from back there, better not be getting any ideas. I yawn, the heat from the fire is making me tiered but I can't sleep yet, it's still not completely dark. I look up to the sky, the moon is up but it will get darker yet. Once again, I look back to the fire. I wish they were here with me. My father and brother. My whole village really. I sighed. I wish I were home. More tears fall from my eyes and again dampen Kirara's fur. The demon creature seems to glare at me and slowly makes her way off my lap and onto the blanket beside me. I can't help but laugh quietly, poor thing. What's that jingling sound?  
  
"Houshi-sama?" I asked, realizing that the sound is probably the rings on his shakjo and further more that he is going somewhere.  
  
"Hai?" He replies, the jingling sound suddenly stopping.  
  
"Where are you going?" I ask, not that I am interested but until that moment I hadn't realized that having him back there made me feel less alone, less afraid. I turn to look at him, he has a strange look in his eyes, I struggle to work out what it is, is it fear? Suddenly the look fades and I see him smile at me.  
  
"Gormen nasai I didn't mean to startle you. I was going to look around awhile. Maybe set up some wards around camp." He says, I turn away. I wonder what he is really planning on doing? Sneaking off after kagome perhaps? Maybe I should give him alittle more credit, the benefit of the doubt perhaps? Why do I care so much anyway? I hadn't realized, but I'm staring at that damn fire again. Why do I always end up alone? Inuyasha and kagome usually go off together, not tonight but usually and the Shippou always finds someone to tag along with but always it's me left here by the fire with that houshi watching from a distance. Why does he never come to me? Am I so repulsive to him? "Baka." I jump slightly when I hear his voice again. Has he been watching me all that time?  
  
"Houshi-sama? Your still here?" I ask stupidly, turning round to see him standing in the same place as before. I frown, he hasn't moved an inch, he just stands there with his eyes closed.  
  
"Hai." He replies but his eyes stay closed and still he doesn't move. I stand up slowly and walk towards him, I feel compelled to do so for some reason. I stop inches from him and wait for him to open his eyes, when he finally does, I'm surprised at the sadness I see. "Daijoubu ka?" He asks, the sadness growing. My tears! I had forgotten. I nod.  
  
"Hai, I've just been thinking about things." I reply honestly, which surprises me. I can never seem to lie to him but until now I had never noticed. I watch him watching me, waiting for him to say something but he just seems to stare at me, stare at me with those sad violet eyes. He turns away but I am not ready for him to go yet. I reach out and take his hand in mine causing him to turn back to me. He looks into my eyes, he knows what I want from him and he proves it with a smile. I pull him back to the fire and there we sit down together. Kirara has long since fallen asleep on her blanket, her fur still wet from my earlier tears. I look at him, unable to help myself. He's looking at me too. I smile. "I hate this time of day. Too much time to think, sitting around the fire by myself." He seems hurt by this statement and quickly replies.  
  
"Your not by yourself. I'm here..." A pause. I wait, suddenly realizing I'm holding my breath in anticipation of what he might say next. "For you." I smile at him but he's no longer looking at me. I wonder what he's thinking?  
  
"Iie, I'm not. Arigatou, Miroku." I use his real name purposely to let him know that it's all okay. It must have worked as I notice a small smile light up his entire face. I can't help but return it. Silence reigns for a minute or so, should I tell him what I was thinking about? He seems so sad, maybe ... "I wish I was home again." Before I know what I'm doing it's already been said and there are those sad eyes again, staring right through me. I smile, trying to reassure him. "I mean, I wish none of this had happened but not in a bad way." Damn it! This is not coming out the way I want it too! "I am so glad to have met you guys but I would give anything to have my family back." WRONG! What is that matter with me? Am I trying to make him suicidal or something? I stare down at the ground, my mouth tightly shut incase I should make things even worse. I feel him shuffle beside me and then his arms surround me in a mass of thick robes. I find myself relaxing in his tight grip and sigh quietly to myself. I can't fight the fact that I wanted this more than anything. Almost anything.  
  
"It's okay." He tells me, his breath tickling my ear. "You shouldn't feel bad about wanting your family back. It's only natural to want those you love most in the world close to you." I can feel him sigh as he finishes. I think I understand what he's saying. I feel his grip tighten and smile to myself. How long has it been since I have felt truly wanted? Like I feel right now? Water? It's not raining? I wonder... I pull away from him.  
  
"Miroku..." Yes. Yes I'm right, it's not raining. "You're crying?" Everything I had felt a moment ago just vanishes and all I'm left with now is sadness. Guilt. He releases me from his grip and hurries to dry his tears. How could I do this to him? Cause him so much pain? I never realized just how fragile he was. As if all his jokes and perverted ways made him immune to the pain and sorrow of being alone and wanting things you just cannot have. Everyone must want something that they can't have. I was so wrapped up in my own problems I never even thought of him. "Miroku?" I say again.  
  
"Gormen nasai Sango." He says finally. "This isn't about me, it's about you. Please, don't worry, I am fine." Why is he being so nice to me? I feel even worse now! Why does he never shout? Or ever get angry? I want to tell him it's okay but I can't seem to speak. I shake my head but he closes his eyes, as if just looking at my face causes him pain too great for words. What can I do? How can I let him know? I reach out my hand and rest it on his knee, I look up at him but is eyes remain tightly closed. What more can I do? "Sango, please..." He whispers which only goes to break my heart more. I have never felt so scared before in my life. I reach out for him, wrapping my arms around him, just as he did for me before. He hugs me back and I finally feel my heart beat slow down with the relief feeling his arms around me bring. "Gormen nasai..." He starts but I won't let him finish. I don't want him to think this is his fault, not him, he's all I have, I won't let him take the blame. I shake my head, remembering what Kagome had told me once.  
  
"Friendship means never having to say you're sorry." He smiles at me. A proper smile. A real smile. A smile that only he can do. I feel him hug me tighter and finally let me go. I'm happy he's ok but it's not enough. "I didn't mean to upset you." I manage to say but he shakes his head.  
  
"You didn't. Far from it." I Frown, what does he mean? He chuckles, such a wonderful sound for me to hear. Then he takes my hand. "I wish I could give you what you want so badly." He continues, and I believe him. He would do anything for me and me for him. "I want forever to mean forever." He mutters as if he doesn't want me to hear, but I do. I nod slowly, now I know I understand what he's saying and I agree with him. Not now though. He stands, slowly and lets go of my hand. "I had better lay those wards, if that's ok with you?" I smile at him, truly smile. He can go where ever he wants but I know he will never truly go anywhere. He'll always be with me in every sense of the word. He looks back, smiling at me still. I want to tell him I understand. That I will always be there for him too but I think he already knows and the rest can wait. He winks at me before finally turning and walking away. I giggle to myself, slightly ashamed of such a childish thing. I can't help but voice what I am feeling inside. I look down at Kirara and stroke her still damp fur.  
  
"Soon." I begin in a whisper, feeling silly talking to a sleeping cat- demon. "I want you to know my heart Miroku. But when the time is right. And one day, it will be." I sigh, the smile on my lips growing. "I promise."  
  
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Authors notes; And that truly IS the end! I don't think it's as good as the first one, I think that was a fluke! Let me know what you think. Until next time! Laters! 


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